Thursday, May 17, 2012

Five sentence fiction -- Foggy

The Five Sentence Fiction is a simple idea:

Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist. Each week I will post a one word inspiration, then anyone wishing to participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just use it for direction.

This entry is all about the word "Foggy."

* * *

All around me, the off-gray ether swirled as the heat of my body disrupted its gossamer filaments--I could see nothing.

With unimpaired hearing, I could sense the stag had stopped rooting in the grass: the danger sense they have is keen.

Silently, I bring my bow to the ready, string pulled tight to cheek; and with breath held, I pause.

Only the beating of our twin hearts could be heard across the meadow.

Loosed and let fly; the peace is distrubed by a lone gutteral noise of my fatally wounded prey.


  1. Whoa, good imagery. I could really see this scene. here's mine

  2. Oh, my God. You killed Bambi! Seriously though, you created a very believable atmosphere and built the tension quite well. Powerful last sentence, even if it did cause me a painful Disney memory. Excellent piece, Phil.

  3. Thank you both for the kind words! :)

  4. Strong imagery envying many senses, I could almost hear the whoosh of the arrow mid-air!

  5. I am thrilled with all your kind words! Thank you all!

  6. I agree with the others. Beautiful Imagery. The whole scene was very vividly rendered. Nice work.

  7. Oh dear, poor deer. I liked the description of the fog - gossamer filaments. Nice.

  8. Rich imagery! I love your fog-description. You captured the ethereal quality with "gossamer filaments".
    Excellent pacing - you've built up and sustained the tension nicely up to the end of the piece.

  9. I love the poetic flow to this piece! It's so unexpected in contex. Awesome :)