Thursday, September 27, 2012

Five Sentence Fiction – Devotion

The Five Sentence Fiction is a simple idea:
Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist. Each week I will post a one word inspiration, then anyone wishing to participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just use it for direction.
This week, the chosen word is "Devotion." There are many kinds of devotion, and the one which inspires me we all know.

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Theirs was a true whirlwind romance: from the moment their eyes met, their love was apparent -- the first meeting, dating, becoming lovers -- in just three short weeks they became one shared soul.

Some thought it too much, too soon, but for them it was magically right; even though now she lay in the hospital, with the cancer slowly torturing her body, he remained -- no more stalwart a man could there be.

He tended her dutifully, lovingly; caressing her forehead with cool, wet cloth; holding her hand while she retched and the scent of bile permeated the room; collecting her hair as it fell in troubled tresses from her head; he was always at her side, never faltering, never far from her.

Publically, he smiled and presented strength to calm her; privately he wept and prayed, he cursed and damned, and falling upon his knees he would make the tale-told bargain: his life for hers.

Yet still she lay ill and dying; and at her feet, seen through tearful eyes, stood angels in white ready to carry her to a new body, a new home, where she would rest in equal devotion -- waiting for the day when he would join her, and their souls would again be as one.

24 comments:

  1. Beautifully written and emotive.

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  2. Oh, I love your writing Phil! My parents are in a very similar situation, and my Dad's heartbreak is crippling. Your final sentence is just beautiful.

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    1. Thank you, Lisa. I hope your family is ok.

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  3. Wow, a beautifully written tale sharing a theme with mine, you handled this with great compassion and portrayed devotion in the tenderness of your words. I loved it!

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  4. Beautifully worked piece. Having lost ones to cancer, this one struck a chord with me. Thank you for writing this!

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    1. Angela, I think everyone has been hit by cancer in some way or another. I'm glad you liked this, as it was the first idea that came to mind.

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  5. Having lost my husband to cancer, this struck a chord with me. So well written, brought out so many emotions. Good job!

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    1. Sorry for your terrible loss, Donna. I am glad you enjoyed the piece for what it is.

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  6. Beautiful & yet heart breaking. Very well done! Love your writing.
    McGuffy's Reader
    http://www.mcguffysreader.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Ann! :) I'm glad you like my writing.

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  7. so close to home...I thought this was beautiful....

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  8. This is a piece so many can relate to well. It certainly speaks to me. Lovely, thoughtful, and handled beautifully!

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    1. Thank you for all your support, Lillie!

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  9. Wow! Beautifully written and moving piece. I didn't see that coming.

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    1. Lauren, I am pleased you were moved, and just as pleased that it surprised you. Thank you!

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  10. For so many very personal reasons this piece spoke very loudly to me. I want to congratulate you on painting a picture that really resonates; really moves. Very well done!

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  11. What a beautiful expression of the prompt. I hope I will have such devotion when it's my time to meet my angels. Lovely piece, Phil.

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