Thursday, February 21, 2013

Five Sentence Fiction – Abandoned


The Five Sentence Fiction is a simple idea:
Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist. Each week I will post a one word inspiration, then anyone wishing to participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just use it for direction.
This week, Lillie chose the word "Abandoned," and the subject of today's word-fest leaves an unfortunate taste...

***
She bit me, and I remember lots of blood--my own--and a torn out throat…also mine.
Then there was a blur of events, it was as if time had slowed down: I knew I was dying--but I didn't.
She transformed me, somehow, and when she fed me some of her blood--cut from her own breast--I felt more alive than I had ever before.
And while I lay there on the cold, wet concrete, twisting, lurching, retching, and burning from within, she calmly stood up and walked away.
When it was over, I was like her and she was gone--abandoned as a neonate vampire with no direction, no tutelage, and a hunger enough to eat the whole world.

12 comments:

  1. Without reading the last line I knew vampires were about to take a role in what you were writing. There is a brief union of two individuals sharing something in common with each other for a brief moment, before having to abandone each other, so each could go on living as a vampire. Good piece. Somewhat thought provoking

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    1. T'was just a trifle I thought up. Perhaps I will explore that world some... Thanks!

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  2. Twisted... and done very well! Do we find ourselves feeling a bit of sympathy for the newly abandoned? Yes, we do.

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  3. The cry of a newborn...but this one's dangerous! Great piece Phil!

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  4. I really enjoyed your story. The words 'neonate vampire with no direction' gives rise to all sorts of ideas.

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    1. To me, the chaos is what would be interesting to explore. What would really happen? Probably a lot of bad things... Thanks for writing, Sarah!

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  5. I love vampire stories. This is wonderfully descriptive of his 'arrival' into a new world. A most dangerous vampire depicted beautifully in the last line. x

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